I spend a lot of time writing (and rewriting) website copy for businesses that want to improve their online performance – whether their goal is to get more sales, increase enquiries, or simply speak more directly to their ideal customers.
So, naturally, I’ve come across some corkers!
The most common mistake businesses make is weeing all over their websites…
Here’s the harsh truth: people (even your ideal people) don’t care about what YOU DO.
They care about how you’re going to HELP THEM.
Instead of littering your website copy with ‘we are x’ and ‘we are experts in x’, flip the narrative.
Ask yourself, how could this copy be rewritten to focus on ‘you’?
Here are four examples of copy from local websites (anonymised – I’m not here to shame anyone!).
Take a look at where they’ve gone wrong and how a simple ‘flip’ makes it resonate more with the intended audience…
Local gym aimed at people 40 years+
Existing copy: [gym name] combines decades of personal training expertise with modern equipment to increase strength and endurance, protect and support joints, and improve wellbeing for seniors.
The problem?
Those aged 40+ don’t always consider themselves to be senior (trust me on this one…!).
It doesn’t address the barriers keeping them from currently attending a gym.
In fact, it doesn’t address them at all – it leads with ‘we’ and talks about the results for ‘seniors’.
Better copy: Get fitter and healthier without the Lycra – your local [gym name] works with you at your pace. With expert trainers and easy-to-use equipment, you can increase your strength and endurance, protect and support your joints, and be comfortable on your journey to feeling good.
HR company
Existing copy: We are here to add value to your business. Our talented team of consultants have an in-depth knowledge of every area of HR. With our bespoke HR services in Leeds, you can reinvest your time and energy into growing your business.
The problem?
It should go without saying that your HR consultants are knowledgeable about HR!
The focus should be on how they add value to businesses – the benefits for whoever is reading it!
Better copy: All your HR needs taken care of, so you can focus on growing your business with a happy and productive workforce.
Accountancy firm
Existing copy: We are entrepreneurial well-being accountants. Leeds accountants creating a world in which business owners have more time, less stress, enjoy greater rewards and have fulfilled their vision of success.
The problem?
Errmmm, do you know what an entrepreneurial well-being accountant is?!
Neither do I, and I’ve read their website!
‘Leeds accountants creating a…’ is keyword stuffing at its worst – using phrases likely to be typed into a search engine is great, as long as it makes sense in a sentence and sounds like something an actual human being would say.
‘Fulfilled their vision of success’ – where do I start with this line? If you’re using ‘their’ then you’re not talking to ‘me’. If I was asked what my business goal is, I’d never answer ‘to fulfil my vision of success’ - would you? Honestly?
And, there’s the awful ‘we’ opening line again…
Better copy: Want more time, less stress, and a healthier bottom line? When you choose our Leeds accountancy firm, you can achieve your goals and enjoy the rewards of running your own business!
Private dental practice
Existing headline: Creating beautiful smiles [followed by some unappealing close-up photos of before and after teeth shots!]
The problem?
Did I mention the unappealing teeth photos?!
Nobody enjoys going to the dentist – some people really hate going! We don’t want a real reminder of the process – we want to be reassured that it’s worth the visit.
Their headline (surprise, surprise) is all about them and what they do, not how a visit to them will make you feel.
Better headline: Smile with confidence.
If you’re guilty of weeing on your website, trying ‘cleaning it up’ by applying some of the lessons here.
If you recognise these examples… feel free to take my rewrites for free! Or, get in touch if you want me to wave my magic wand across your whole site.
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